you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
