it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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