shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i drank out of a bidet.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
