if you like me you must not know who I am
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
