first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
