I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
