Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
