hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you will always have a special place in my vag
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You dont lie about slip and slides
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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