Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
