When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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