I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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