If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
