Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
