so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
