Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
