I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
