Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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