Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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