She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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