You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
