More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
