I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
