And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
