Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
