After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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