The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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