I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
