everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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