That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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