I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize