my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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