apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
