having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
