so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
