I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
