It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
