Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
