Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
