Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
