I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
