Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
