we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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