I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
