So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
