Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
