Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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