Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
