i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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