literally had 100 drinks last night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
