I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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