its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
