Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
