do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
