I accidentally burped into my bong.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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