just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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