I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
