Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
