just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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