i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
