I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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