I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
