Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
